The gift with a screen

If you are a grandparent, an aunt, an uncle or a godparent reading this, we want to start by saying thank you. The children of Skerries are surrounded by adults who love them, and that is the single most protective thing in any child's life. Nothing in this piece changes that.

We also want to talk about presents.

How the phone actually arrives

When families are asked how the first smartphone came into the house, the answer is very often not "we decided." It is "his granny got him one for his Confirmation." "Her aunt passed on her old iPhone." "He got a tablet for Christmas and, well, that was that."

None of this comes from carelessness. It comes from the opposite. A grandparent wants to give something the child will be thrilled by. An aunt wants to be the cool one. A godparent wants a present that feels significant. In 2026, nothing lands like a screen. And so a decision the parents were still thinking about gets made for them, on a Sunday, wrapped in paper.

The other route: the babysit

The second way is quieter. A child is minded for the afternoon. The adult is tired, or on a call, or simply wants 20 minutes of peace, and the phone or tablet comes out. This is not a failing. Every parent alive has done it, ourselves included. But a habit that forms in one house travels to the next, and a child who learns that boredom is fixed with a screen at granny's will expect the same at home.

Why it matters at this age

Between roughly 10 and 14 a child's brain is at its most sensitive to social reward and its least equipped to regulate impulse. A smartphone with social media is designed to speak to exactly that combination. It does not matter who gave it to the child. Once it is there, it is there. The parents' careful plan to wait until 16 can be undone by one well-meant present.

That is the whole reason this is written. Not to tell anyone what to give. To make sure the people who love the child most are pulling in the same direction as the parents.

What helps, practically

Ask before you buy anything with a screen. One sentence: "Where are you on the phone thing?" Most parents will be relieved you asked.

If you mind the children, ask what the house rules are and hold to them, even when it would be easier not to. Children notice consistency across the adults in their lives far more than we think.

If you want to give something the child will remember, give time and skill. A fishing rod and a morning at the harbour. Baking, properly, from scratch. A trip on the train. A book you loved at their age. These are the gifts children talk about at 30. Nobody at 30 remembers the tablet.

And if you have already given a device, please do not carry any guilt about it. You gave a gift with love. The next step is simply a conversation with the parents about how it gets used.

A word to childminders and au pairs

Have the device conversation on day 1, before it is needed. Ask what the family would prefer you reach for first when a child is bored or upset. Most families have never been asked and will be grateful.

One thing to do this week

If there is a birthday, a Confirmation or a Christmas coming, send one message to the child's parents before you shop. That is all. It is the most useful thing a grandparent, aunt or uncle can do for this initiative, and it costs nothing.